Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
