It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
