where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
