First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
