O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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