I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
