pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
