this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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