i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
