FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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