it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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