there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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