Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
