11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
