rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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