hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
