do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
