That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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