All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think I won the penis lottery.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.