i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.