Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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