I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
