oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
