could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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