I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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