Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
