I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
