We're facebook friends in real life
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
