i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
