she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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