I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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