I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
