My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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