looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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