yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
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