your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
God, you're like boner-b-gone
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize