your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
we're so committed to being not committed
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My feet surprised me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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