too bad you live with your parents still
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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