so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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