I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
