I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
