she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
