just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
