I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
