If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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