i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it was like eating out sand paper
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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