Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
