wakey wakey hands off snakey
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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