after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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