Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
