just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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