I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
