just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sober January is a disaster.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
