turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
