You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
