she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i need some magic done to my vagina
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going