She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.