Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
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I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.