he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
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So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
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Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I would ride that face into the sunset