A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
