Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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