Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
