He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
