you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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