I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
