fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
