I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
