i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
