I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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