it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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