My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
