I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
