Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
